Stop relying on external validation

If you want to work on yourself, if you aspire to a better self, if personal development is something you really want to work on: STOP RELYING ON EXTERNAL VALIDATION.

What’s the difference between external validation and internal validation?

“Do things for yourself; in thirty years, nobody is going to remember your choices except you.”

Internal validation is when you do something for you, to improve your body in order to feel better in your skin, love yourself more, and appreciate your own beauty. It’s something you do because you know it will do you good, external approval or not.

On the other hand, external validation is when you decide to do something in order to have other’s approval.

Let me give you a couple of examples so you can understand the concept.

You decide to hit the gym because you want to be in a great shape and compare with others so you can receive compliments about your work. You will tend to share your hard work on social medias to receive likes and comments.

Another example would be that you decide to lose 10kg because people would like you better.

Both examples are typical validations that will cause more damages to your confidence, self-esteem and happiness.

And if I have to be honest, you will fail. The explication is very simple: if you do something to get someone’s approval to boost your self-esteem, confidence and happiness, it will last a moment and will fade away, same as your motivation. This is only going to give a boost to your ego.

Do something because you know that it will be good for you, you know it will bring you something of true value, improve your self-esteem and confidence, and kick your happiness for the better.

If you work for yourself, you will develop real habits that continue to benefit you.

If you have the habit to drop things along the way, try to change your approach, and rethink your goals. Most of the time, we tend to fix ourselves extremely high expectations. Never do that as it is almost guaranteed that you will never reach them.

Start with one step at a time. If you want to eat healthy, don’t cut everything in one go. Start by adding more vegetables to your diet, then remove the saturated fat, then the added sugars... and so on. If you change your diet in a day, you will have cravings, your body won’t get used to the changes and therefore your inner voice will kick in and tell you to not resist your cravings.

One step at a time, a diet that is decided by yourself and for yourself: this is the key to a successful diet.

Remember that if you want to succeed, you need to do the things for yourself, and not in order to impress others. You need to be the master of your decisions, you must be the one driving your life, not someone else.

I hope you learnt something from this article. Feel free to read more in our blog section and practice with our free meditations on this website, our YouTube Channel, and on Spotify & Apple Podcasts.

And as always, Be Kind To One Another, Including Yourself.

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